From a Bust of Pallas

Easter

2009-04-12T09:21:00.002-07:00

I kind of hit a burn out period there. I just had too many things going at the same time. Today is Easter, a good time for new beginnings. God willing, I'll restart a devotion schedule starting tomorrow.

Life Through the Son

2009-03-22T17:21:00.002-07:00

John 5:16-30

It is really easy to question God's judgment. He's all powerful; he can solve any problem with a snap of his fingers. He's never had to decide how he was going to find the money to pay the rent that month. Situational ethics is just part of being human, as we weigh choices and perform cost benefit analyses.

So God gave the Son "authority to judge because he is the Son of Man." Since Jesus was fully man as well as God, he can judge all mankind because he suffered the same woes and problems as humanity at large. All of the complaints of the unfairness of God's universe become mere blowing into the wind. God knows what we suffer and more. He knows what we are capable of enduring, and he is fully competent to judge us when we fail to make any effort to fulfill the role of our creation: to be the image of God in creation.

The Healing at the Pool

2009-03-21T16:09:00.002-07:00

John 5:1-15

In this account, the man who is healed is at first grateful for his healing and does precisely as instructed: He picks up his mat and walks away. But when he is confronted by the authorities, he becomes defensive and apprehensive. When Jesus further tells him to reform his life, he quickly informs the authorities about Jesus.

How many people desire the healing of Christ, but fear persecution and refuse reformation? They want following Christ to be easy, without challenge. They want God to lower the standards bar and accept them with their sin. Unfortunately, although God accepts us as sinners, that does not mean that he accepts our sin with us. Sadly, many are lost because they refuse to take the steps to follow Christ and want the rewards without the commitment.

Jesus Heals the Official's Son

2009-03-20T07:09:00.002-07:00

John 4:43-54

According to the account of John, the first healing that Jesus performed involved an extraordinary act of faith. Jesus was not even present to the sick boy! The father took his word entirely on faith. At this point, we must remember that Jesus' ministry was a teaching ministry, not a healing ministry. It is with some despair that he says, "Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders, you will never believe." In this account of healing, however, we see a model of faith.

Many Samaritans Believe

2009-03-19T17:27:00.001-07:00

John 4:39-42

Purely on the woman's testimony (and she not of a high standing), many of her townspeople believed in Jesus. Upon coming to Jesus and listening to him teach, they came to full faith that he was the Saviour. Yet sadly today, so many in the Church, when hearing of a miracle in the life of a fellow Christian, are skeptical, coming up with rational, scientific answers, and refusing to give glory to God.

The Disciples Rejoin Jesus

2009-03-18T16:18:00.001-07:00

John 4:27-38

The disciples were deeply suspicious and somewhat jealous of this Samaritan woman with whom they found Jesus speaking. They kept their counsel to themselves, but Jesus knew what was in their hearts. He responded cryptically about having food of which they did not know, meaning that their ignorant reaction to the Samaritan woman had betrayed their lack of knowledge of Jesus' true mission.

How often do we try to force Jesus into a nice little box of how we expect Christianity to be? How often do we become suspicious of others who receive salvation in ways not part of our own experience? How often do we feel jealous to see someone receive salvation whom we feel should instead receive divine retribution? Lord, forgive us, and guide our hearts in the way of love and charity.

Jesus Talks With a Samaritan Woman

2009-03-17T14:49:00.002-07:00

John 4:1-26

The Jews were notoriously elitist toward the Samaritans, so the woman's initial repsonse was likely cynical and bitter. Jesus' initial responses were met with sarcasm and scorn, but when Jesus unfolds the woman's marital troubles, her resolve is shaken. She still attempts to defend herself, but Jesus now has his foot in the door and pushes it open wider. He expounds upon true worship, bringing the woman to acknowledge the coming of the Christ before revealing that he is the Christ. In just a few calm level responses Jesus took the woman from cynicism to faith.

John the Baptist's Testimony About Jesus

2009-03-16T17:26:00.002-07:00

John 3:22-36

John models the attitude we must all have: to give the glory to God and accept our place as workers assigned our particular tasks.

Jesus Teaches Nicodemus

2009-03-15T10:34:00.002-07:00

John 3:1-21

That Nicodemus comes at night represents that he was walking in darkness, or ignorance. Even though he was a teacher of Israel and also curious enough to seek out an audience with Jesus, the ensuing conversation demonstrates his lack of understanding of true salvation.

The birth of "water and the Spirit" can be viewed in several senses. First, the birth of water can represent natural childbirth, the water being the amniotic fluid. Second, it can refer to the purification ritual from which John's baptism derives. The birth of the Spirit refers of course to the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. In essence, this passage can mean "born of flesh and born of Spirit"; or it can refer to rebirth through acknowledgement of sinfulness and repentance through the rite of baptism and rebirth through the receiving Christ as Saviour from those sins. Hence a birth of water and Spirit beyond that of the fleshly birth.

The one who is born again will put off the old self and material desires and will put on the new spiritual self. Through baptism we acknowledge our declaration to repent of sin and to live toward Christ. Through the Spirit we receive the power to transform our lives in alignment with Christ. Without this rebirth (and infant baptism does not accomplish this), we do not have salvation. It is through grace that we are saved. We receive that grace through faith and repentance.

Jesus Clears the Temple

2009-03-14T04:31:00.002-07:00

John 2:12-25

How often do we as Christians create situations which make it difficult for people to come to Christ? Do we add strictures of our own making as requisite for our church members? The Jews had made an industry out of selling sacrifce livestock. If people brought their own livestock it would be rejected by the priests as blemished in order that worshippers would have to spend money to buy an acceptable animal. Money changers would charge exorbitant fees to change currency into the temple coin. The end result is a disincentive to worship and an unnecessary burden placed upon those who still went through the process.

This situation developed honestly enough over the centuries. Originally, it would have been established to assist those tradespeople who did not raise livestock. It would have maintained standards of acceptable sacrifice, but it grew into a method to swindle those who truly sought God. We need to understand that the rules regarding "unblemished" sacrifices were intended to insure that the people would offer the best of their flock and not those which they would have culled anyway. It needed to truly be a sacrifice. The intent is a sacrifice of quality, not a sacrifice of perfection.

How often do we discourage those who bring their best to offer, because we do not find it perfect? There are many choirs who have some rather lousy singers, but there are churches in which the choir may only be joined by audition or invitation. This is just one concrete example (and not one particularly on my heart), but there are numerous ministries struggling for workers or just not occuring at all because those who might give their best at them feel that their contribution would be so flawed that it would be rejected by their fellow workers. And therein lies the problem: We place a judgment on the works of others if not by our words then by our attitudes that cause them to make no offering rather than be ashamed before their fellow Christians. We must remember that God accepts all offerings truly offered from the heart, that he knows when we have offered our best, and we who lead ministries must constantly encourage all believers to offer the best their talents can offer, not merely accept only those with the best talents.

Jesus Changes Water to Wine

2009-03-13T13:47:00.002-07:00

John 2:1-11

Jesus is reluctant to perform the miracle requested by his mother. This may indicate his desire to maintain a teaching ministry at this time and not yet reveal his power. Nevertheless, because she asks he performs this miracle. This affirms the faith of his disciples, but it will also lead to many coming to follow Jesus for cheap hand outs (feeding of the thousands).

It has been hypothesized that this was Jesus' own wedding, hence the presence of both his mother and disciples, and the responsibility for having wine. Other theories include that Mary was remarrying after the death of Joseph. Whereas nothing in scripture prevents Jesus from having married, we must be sure to note that he would not have fathered children ("and who can speak of his descendents"). The master of the banquet calls aside the bridegroom (a term used for Jesus in many parables), which could indicate literally Jesus. Mary, however, refers to "they" as having no more wine. This would tend to indicate that neither Jesus nor Mary was directly involved in this wedding, although they may have been closely associated with the honour of the family (which would have been smudged for such poor hospitality as running out of wine). Perhaps this was the marriage of one of Jesus' brothers (at least two of whom, James and Judas, eventually became disciples).

Further of note is that Jesus is himself providing an alcoholic beverage. As Proverbs clearly denounces drunken debauchery, scripture does not proscribe alcohol completely as some denominations teach. Alcohol is not in itself evil; it is the obsession and dependence upon alcohol which afflict many people which is the true sin.

Jesus Calls Philip and Nathanael

2009-03-12T12:35:00.002-07:00

John 1:43-51

We don't know the relationship between Philip and Nathanael. It is possible that Philip was the other disciple called at the same time as Andrew (although the other gospels indicate that the sons of Zebedee were the second pair called and tradition considers this other unnamed disciple to be John). Philip declares Jesus to be the Messiah based on eyewitness experience. Nathanael is doubtful, but upon the demonstration that Jesus knew his heart he declares the divinity of Jesus.

In today's era of skepticism, how many of us would recognize Jesus as readily as Andrew, Peter, Philip, and Nathanael?

Jesus' First Disciples

2009-03-11T17:17:00.002-07:00

John 1:35-42

There are two noteworthy points in this passage. First, John put into action what he would later say in John 3: "He must become greater; I must become less." He accepted without question that his calling was to point people toward Jesus, and he unselfishly turned over all the glory of his ministry to God.

Second is the faith with which the first disciples followed merely at the word of John. Indeed Andrew declares Jesus to be Christ. In fact, upon receiving the Good News of the Messiah, the first thing Andrew does is to share this gospel with his brother Simon. We should do well to remember that if we have truly received Jesus in our lives, then we should be bursting with the desire to share the gospel with others.

Jesus the Lamb of God

2009-03-10T03:00:00.001-07:00

John 1:29-34

Prior to Jesus, the sacrifices of the Jews served merely to cover over their sins. The sin was still present, but in the eyes of God, it was overlooked. Sin and punishment was kind of like a loan which had fallen in arrears. Through the animal sacrifices, the debt could be placed in forbearance. The overdue payments are dropped, but the full debt remains by having the missed payments added to the end of the debt. We, of course, are forever increasing our debt through sin such that we can never repay the debt. John says here that Jesus takes away the sin of the world. Through Jesus we don't receive a forbearance, but the debt itself is taken away. This is accomplished through the willingness of Jesus to accept and pay our sin debt for us. Only through this grace can we ever hope to have our debt paid in full and thus attain to the glory of salvation.

John the Baptist Denies Being the Christ

2009-03-10T02:59:00.001-07:00

John 1:19-28

When I went through candidacy for the Lutheran church, one of the questions I was asked related to what I believed occurred at baptism. My answer, which was not the "right" answer and led to my being told to gain a better understanding of Lutheran theology before reapplying, was to distinguish between a baptism of water for the repentance of sins and a baptism of the Spirit (or fire) for the forgiveness of sins. Men perform the first as a sign of their acknowledgement of Jesus and desire to follow and serve him. God performs the second as a sign of our acceptance. The gifts of the Spirit are part of our assurance of salvation.

Despite the Nicaean creed statement that "we believe in one baptism for the forgiveness of sins" (strictly true since only one baptism has this function), there are clearly and distinctly two baptismal events in the life of the believer clearly established over and over in scripture.

The Word Became Flesh

2009-03-10T02:56:00.002-07:00

John 1:1-18

This passage is perhaps the single most important witness concerning the nature of Jesus as both fully human and fully God. First, he establishes the entity of the Word, co-eternal with God, through whom God spoke the universe into existence. The Word was both with God (therefore distinct) and was God (therefore unified and incapable of having conflicting wills). The life that was the light of men, would be the life-giving principle by which all living things are animated. So the Word provided all life at the outset of creation.

John then states that the Word was in the world, referring to the incarnation through Jesus. To those who received him and believed that he was the Son of God (the Word), he gave the right to also become sons of God. He did this through the redeeming power of his crucifixion; but it was his role to perform (as opposed to the Father or the Spirit), because it is through the Word that life occurs, especially eternal life.

Doing What Is Good

2009-03-08T10:02:00.003-07:00

Titus 3

I am certain I have heard discussion recently regarding whether Christians should support a non-Christian government. If I recall correctly, there was something about paying taxes to a government which finances embryonic stem-cell research. I could be mistaken in the particulars, but the point is that Paul (and Jesus as well, when questioned about taxes) is clear that we are to be subject to rulers and authorities. We are obliged as citizens to pay taxes. If we are involved in the government, we may have a say in how that revenue is spent, but as citizens our responsibility is merely to pay, regardless of how it may eventually be spent. If we rebel against temporal authorities, how much more difficult it will be for us to be subject to God.

What Must Be Taught To Various Groups

2009-03-08T08:40:00.002-07:00

Titus 2

I have been listening to a sermon series by Tony Evans on spiritual authority. In a nutshell, he teaches that man was given authority of creation, but we very often find that when we try to exercise our authority, things don't work out. Pastor Evans points out that for us to exercise our authority successfully, we must first recognize and acknowledge that God has authority over us. We want the blessings of God without the responsibilities. We want to be God's buddy. Personally, as a truck driver (my current job) I would not presume to be a buddy with a wealthy businessman, a famous entertainer, or a powerful politician. Even should such a person condescend to notice me, I would feel distinctly out of place.

Now God does condescend to us, and in such a way that we should not feel ashamed of our spiritual poverty. As his love is perfect, so is his mercy. This does not, however, give us leave to treat God as an equal. We must always remember that he is worthy of respect and act accordingly. No matter how close a relationship we have with God, he will always be higher than us.

In this passage, we see many examples of authority, and Paul is not teaching about how to exercise the authority we have in the world, but about recognizing the authority others have over us.

First Paul describes for the older men the characteristics of acknowledging God's authority: to be temperate, worthy of repsect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. In demonstrating these traits, the older men will acknowledge God's authority and be examples for all of God's people.

The older women are abjured to be reverent, not slander, not drink wine to excess, and to teach what is good. In so acknowledging God's authority, they set the example for the younger women.

The seemingly anachronistic part is when Paul addresses slaves, informing them to be subject to their masters. When so few of us are self-employed these days, it behooves us to recognize that many of us truly are slaves to our employers. They hold the same power over us. Perhaps we can change jobs, but that is only exchanging one master for another. In 1 Corinthians 7:21, Paul states that if a salve can gain his freedom he should do so, but while in slavery, we are to obey our earthly masters. It is easy to distinguish between suffering for the gospel and suffering at the hands of an abusive master, but they both develop perseverence, character, and hope. I've had quite a few miserable jobs over the last several years, and at times it seems I am a slave to money. I have at many times resented my slavery, but this attitude has only prolonged my bondage and made it more painful to bear. I now seek to procure my freedom while accepting my slavery more willingly than before. God willing, the day will come when he is my only master.

Titus' Task on Crete

2009-03-06T03:17:00.002-07:00

Titus 1

The third of Paul's pastoral letters provides two things of note to me in the opening chapter. First, an elder must be "a man whose children beleve and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient." The stereotype of the wild pastor's kid is proof of just how far Satan has come in rotting our churches at the core. An elder (the proper term for an ordained pastor in the UMC) who cannot shepherd his own family has no credibility for shepherding others. He may preach a good message, but he does not live by the message he preaches. It is a harsh statement, but I truly feel that a pastor in such a situation should resign. If he is a true believer, then this passage of scripture should convict him. If he does not resign under these circumstances, I must question whether he preaches for God's glory or his own.

The second point hits closer to home. "An overseer...must be...not quick-tempered." The decision of the ELCA candidacy board three years ago to deny me entrance into pastoral training was based on this. They stated that because of the history of anger management problems in my psychological profile they required me to pursue clinical counseling before reapplying. I have since learned that the best way to handle frustration over inconsequential slights is to a) instead of fuming over something unimportant, find a way to serve the person, and b) accept my own share of guilt in a conflict and apologize to the other party for sinning against them.

I still have a long way to go with truly making these responses to frustration and anger reflexive, but with God's help I will continue in this vein. And as the candidacy board was spot on correct, I will remain in a lay speaker role and not pursue candidacy further until I have met their requirements, even though I am now in another denomination.

Love and Obey the LORD

2009-03-05T03:11:00.002-07:00

Deuteronomy 11

This chapter begins by emphasizing to the Israelite assembly that they were the eyewitnesses of the miracles in the desert. Their children who had been born during the forty years of wandering had not seen these things. Further on is a reprise from chapter 6: "Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Our children do not have the knowledge and experience of the Lord that we have. In our evangelism, our first obligation is to raise up our children in the knowledge of the Lord, making faith real from a young age. I have found that with my own daughter she is fascinated with my morning and evening prayers, she insists on having a bible story as part of her bedtime stories. She wants to say "In Jesus' name, amen" to every prayer (woe to those who don't let her) we have as a family. She is four years old and already knows the Lord's prayer. She wants the Fisher Price Nativity set for her birthday (which isn't until November).

The point of all this is that it does not take much encouragement for little children to be set on the path of faith. Jesus told the disciples that they needed to come to him as little children for a reason. There is a natural inclination to faith that has not been blunted yet by the harsh realities of the world, but it must be encouraged. If the flame is not fanned it will go out. Many people find excuses for not doing prayer or bible readings on their own during the week, but they may still read bedtime stories to their children. By dedicating this family time to being God time as well, the whole family is blessed. Soon even the adults involved will find that they don't want to miss their devotion time. A new stronger focus is created as the whole family comes together as a unit under God's authority.

Fear the LORD

2009-03-04T03:00:00.002-07:00

Deuteronomy 10:12-22

In all of the standard imploring to obedience, there is one line which particularly strikes me in this passage: "And you are to love those who are aliens, for you yourselves were aliens in Egypt." In the Arab-Israeli conflict one claim we often hear is that this land was promised to Israel and they were commanded to obliterate all of the nations which wre in the land before them - total genocide. Many claim that because of such commandments, modern Israel should drive out the Palestinians completely, that there can be no peace in the Middle East until Israel has reclaimed her borders. Furthermore, many claim that it is the duty of Christian nations to aid Israel in this genocide.

While there are indeed times God demands obliteration, such as the seven nations in Israel at the time of Joshua's conquest, or accomplishes his own obliteration, as in Sodom and Gomorrah, God likewise demands that we love our enemies. God is not the God of Israel only, but the God of the whole world. Nations and cultures that are so stubborn and lost in sin he will throw over and dispossess; but it his will that all should be saved. Israel is to be the light to the world, not merely the scourge.

In today's era, we should not be so focused on fighting literal wars against Islam. Despite practices and beliefs which we as Christian recognize as sinful, Muslims proclaim the same God as the Jews and Christians. They, however, have an incorrect understanding of him. The war that we should be fighting is not over land but over the souls of the Muslim world. Until they understand that Jesus is the Christ and saviour of the world, and not merely another in a long line of prophets, then there will never be peace in the Middle East.

Tablets Like the First Ones

2009-03-03T03:15:00.002-07:00

Deuteronomy 10:1-11

When God calls Moses back up the mountain to receive the second set of tablets, I notice the active voice in his statement: "I will write on the tablets the words that were on the first tablets which you broke." God sent Moses down from the mountain the first time to deal with the rebellious Israelites and their golden calf, but nowhere did he remotely suggest to smash the Word of God to pieces in order to accentuate the point. So God does not say "which were broken" but says "which you broke." He holds Moses accountable for going outside his intent. Another way of viewing this is that Moses was using the Word of God for his own purposes, ie demonstrating his own anger and frustration with the people. God tells us here that he will hold accountable those who misuse the Word of God, those who look for passages of scripture to support their pet beliefs, conveniently ignoring other passages which set the context of God's intent more thoroughly.

The Golden Calf

2009-03-02T03:17:00.002-07:00

Deuteronomy 9:7-29

How quickly we turn away from the Lord. Whenever we are in trouble or need we cry out for help. As soon as we feel safe and secure, how quickly we turn back to idols. We want God to provide for us but refuse to serve him.

It is our need for God, however, that leads us even in our turning away. The people turned to Aaron and insisted that he provide them an idol because Moses was taking so long. They knew a spiritual need and wanted it filled, but they had no patience. We must remember that even in the quiet and calm moments of life God is there as the quiet sustainer. As he revealed himself to Elijah, as a gentle whisper.

The other thing I notice here is that the Lord tells Moses "your people whom you brought out of Egypt have become corrupt." Allegorically we can see this as a reminder that even when our hearts and minds may be on the will and work of Christ, our bodies may still be leading us in sinful ways. The flesh is weak; there is no escaping that. As Paul taught, we must learn to discipline our bodies and keep the flesh subservient to the Lord. This is a lifelong struggle, what Wesley called sanctification.

Not Because of Israel's Righteousness

2009-03-01T12:10:00.002-07:00

Deuteronomy 9:1-6

It is often too easy find the differences between the Old Testament and the New Testament and overlook the actual revelation of Christ even more than a millenium before his birth. The Lord here is dispossessing the Anakites of the land because of their wickedness. Israel has been chosen by God to receive this land, not by merit for they are a "stiff-necked people," but through grace. By having faith that God will support them against this race of giants which outnumber them, they presage how God will eventually provide salvation to all who will have faith Jesus's redemptive power through his death and ressurection. We, like the Israelites, receive this grace through no merit of ours but through faith and obedience to God.

Do Not Forget the LORD

2009-03-01T11:16:00.002-07:00

Deuteronomy 8

It is all too easy to look at God's love as a sort of blackmail. "Do what I say and you will have abundant blessing. Deny me, and I will destroy you." Doesn't that sentiment permeate the Old Testament?

This problem arises because we try to place God in human and finite contexts. We must remember that God is the source of all goodness. It is not merely that rejection of God means that he will punish us. Rejection of God means that we reject the only source of goodness. While in this life we may experience some of his goodness as it is reflected from others, but when we pass beyond this life even that is gone. There is only despair and hopelessness.

Of course, some forms of denial are more blatant than others. We all know atheists who claim that God is a myth. Others, however, are more subtle. They take credit for blessings in their lives and give no glory to God. Again, it is not so much that God punishes out of jealousy as these people, in rejecting acknowledgement of God's grace, have rejected God. Their blessings are fleeting and so often they cannot understand how it all went wrong so fast. They cannot say as Job, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away."

Driving Out the Nations (Dt 7)

2009-02-26T19:41:00.002-07:00

Deuteronomy 7

I've always had problems with the genocide decreed in the Old Testament. It seems so inconsistent with the God of the New Testament. I have to remind myself that the standards had to be established in order to establish man's guilt and subsequently God's grace.

That aside, I saw an important allegorical interpretation in this today. I noticed specifically that there were seven nations and that correlated for me to the seven deadly sins. Israel is receving instruction on what to do upon entering the promised land. They are told to wipe out these nations - make no treaty, leave no survivors. Any remnant allowed to remain would eventually become a stumbling block.

Similarly, when we accept Christ we are told to repent (turn away, not merely apologize) of our sinful lives. We are to put off the old man and put on the new. In short, we are to purge the seven nations of sin from our lives. Any remnant threatens our new life. Any treaty with sin ultimately will lead to a return to bondage, just as Israel time and again would find itself taking on the yoke of its neighbors.

Done planting

2006-08-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

I've been a blogging fool lately, but you wouldn't know it from looking here. I hope to keep a nicely detailed record of my farming experience, and thus I have made efforts to keep that blog updated daily.

The priority planting for the year is done. In the end I planted 15 rows of 25 blocks each and 10 rows of 20 blocks each. If my math is right, that is 575 blocks, or 9200 square feet. All of it was hand planted except the last 40 blocks of buckwheat which was hand broadcast. My knees and back are quite sore.

So now I need to look into finding a source of extra income to help support us when the turkeys dig everything up.

Farm blog

2006-08-06T18:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and today I built a new blog specifically for logging work on the farm. It is at http://foxtailfarm.blogspot.com. I still need to get the web page updated.

Pastors everywhere

2006-08-01T19:31:00.000-07:00

How odd that we have moved to this small town after being turned down from the ministry, and we keep encountering pastors in the oddest situations. Of the couple we bought our house from, the husband is a Pentecostal pastor. The guy who plowed my field today is a Quaker Pastor. Bizarre. Perhaps this is part of God telling me to not get too comfortable. He still has his mission for me.

Along that line, I had an odd thought the other day (after talking to the pastor at the Methodist church we attend). Before I went up to the candidacy interview, I prayed the Jabez prayer. "O Lord, enlarge my territory," and such. Perhaps, God said, "Okay. Being a Lutheran pastor isn't enough. I'll give you more." I'm not seeing just how this all works because the scope is too large, but I think there may be something going on here. I will be excited to see where things go.

Plowing day

2006-07-31T04:48:00.000-07:00

Today I begin in earnest being a farmer. I've got a guy hired to rototill about a third of an acre. This will be my vegetable garden for the year. I will be a planting fool for the next few days. I'm getting a late start since we closed on the land so late, but I'm counting on global warming keeping the frost late for me. With my luck, after all this heat, we'll have a cold snap in September and I'll lose nearly everything.

Closing and Beginning

2006-07-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

We finally close on the land tomorrow. Only fifteen days out of contract. That's a half month of growing season lost. I'm just a bit concerned that we will not be able to harvest before the frosts hit in October. Come Monday, I've got a guy coming out to rototill a third of an acre for me. I'll get the veggies into the ground as quickly as possible. I just hope it's not too late. Toward the end of August, I'll look to put in some winter rye and wheat.

The Long and Winding Road

2006-07-17T17:22:00.000-07:00

It has been a strange couple of months. If things had gone according to plan, I would have started summer Greek at Wartburg Seminary just over a week ago. As it is, I am no longer even attending a Lutheran church. Strange how things work out sometimes.

We finally closed on our new house last Friday. We've moved to Adena, Ohio, which is a town of about eight hundred people 45 minutes west of Weirton. The town itself is fairly old (incorporated in 1805, I think). The church we go to was the first Methodist church west of the Ohio. The area has been agricultural and then a coal town. We got a three bedroom house in town (and out of the flood zone) for $20000. It needs a fair bit of work (the windows were all caulked shut, a previous resident's [the house had been a rental] idea of winterizing [along with stapling plastic sheets over the windows]), but it is structurally sound and has a ton of space (you just don't get basements in Arizona).

We're still waiting to close on our land. We've been under contract for ten acres in Foxes Bottom for $18000 since 13 June. Unfortunately, it was part of an estate, and seven people all scattered around the country have to sign. As soon as we close, I'll be getting stuff planted and hoping there is enough growing season left.

The farm (which as its name suggests is in the flood zone) is about three miles from the house. As we were searching for property, I discovered that if you took a $20000 house and put it on $18000 of land, then it sold for $60000 (or more). Since neither of us has a job, we got turned down for financing. So we took our nice fat profit from our house in Arizona and bought our house and land cash. As things worked out, we're pretty happy with where we ended up.

Seminary. So what happens there? The candidacy committee said:

1. Get clinical anger management counseling.
A. Can't afford it. Anyway, at 36 I moved back in with my parents for two months. Now that we've moved out, we're still talking to my parents, so I guess my anger management skills aren't so bad after all.

2. Develop a mentorship relationship with Pastor Marilyn.
A. We already knew that wasn't going to happen. I could, however, meet the spirit of this criterium by establishing said relationship with my pastor at whatever church I move to.

3. Learn more about Lutheran doctine.
A. Not too likely, since we now attend a Methodist church. Now, for the record, this was not a spiteful abandonment of the Lutherans. The closest Lutheran church (of any synod) is fifteen miles north in Jewett. That's something like four or five towns away. A large part of the idea of moving to a small town was to connect with the community. In Adena, the church choices are Methodist or Catholic. We could go to Harrisville (the next town south, and has a Presbyterian church) or Cadiz (seven miles away and the county seat), but since neither have a Lutheran church, we felt the best choice was to go to the Methodist church in Adena.

As for National Guard, I will be returning once more to the field artillery. It is actually a bit of a relief to be going back to the FA from infantry. It is a field I feel more comfortable in. I'll have to go all the way to Marion for drill, but I am looking forward to getting back to Army life.

Well, this is a bunch, and it really only scratches the surface; but it is nice to at least get this much entered. We have cable internet again, Cerra has her own bedroom (not sharing one with the computer), and there are only two people wanting to use the computer (not four).

Running Behind

2006-05-15T05:51:00.000-07:00

About 4:00 PM on Sunday, I was able to look around and say, "Well, this looks about just how I envisaged everything to be this time yesterday."

So we have decided to stay an extra day for the final packing, loading, and cleaning. At this point (early Mon morning), packing and loading are nearly complete. The Penske truck is full, so everything else has to go in the back of the pickup. Which means the dog has to ride in the front of the Penske with me. And so on, the adjustments will be interesting.

Hopefully, this will be the last blog for several days.

Final weekend

2006-05-13T06:56:00.000-07:00

Most everything is packed up. In a few hours I will get the truck and today we will load that up. Tomorrow is cleaning day. 4:00 AM Monday we will be on the road.

Fables and Writing Goals

2006-05-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

I have now been writing semi-regularly for just over a year. This comes after many years with no attempt to write fiction at all and is noteworthy in that the only story I had ever finished was a particularly dreadful one I wrote in high school called "Smile from the Past."

I now feel extremely comfortable writing in the flash to short-short length, basically for me, up to 2000 words (although few of my completed stories actually go over 1000). I have also discovered an interesting trait to my writings. My best works are fables. For some reason, I just don't feel comfortable developing my human characters; but toss in a raven and I suddenly have this great versatility of personality. In fact, my rule of thumb with challenge triggers is that if I can't come up with an idea fairly quickly from the actual trigger, toss in a raven and see what happens. I did this twice last summer and won best group for the first ("The Sweetest Treat") and best overall for the second ("Tall Tales," which actually isn't really a fable).

In January, when I started writing again after taking a couple months off, I was also reading Rudyard Kipling at the same time (oddly enough, it was not The Jungle Book or Just So Stories). His stories have a beautiful narrative style, which I decided to work with. Before I knew it, I was producing fables left and right (even one from the POV of a mountain peak).

The problem is in determining where to submit these. They have all gotten really good reviews from my peers, and I know that I could polish most of them without any substantial rewriting. The natural place for fables, of course, would be children's markets. Unfortunately, my fables tend to be a bit too edgy. "The Sweetest Treat," for instance, is about the rape of a milkmaid being prevented by a raven. Not exactly fit for children. My ravens habitually peck at eyeballs and enjoy eating roadkill. I'm sure kids would eat that stuff up, but would publishers?

A further complication is that my stories tend to be so short. To seriously get into the fiction market, I need to start producing stories about five to ten times longer than what I do now. The one story I tried to write for a short story challenge got up to 4000 words with no end in sight and was extremely cramped and rushed. It's now in my projects folder with a label of novel (although it actually fits as only the first of a whole series). So, this year I need to work on being able to write those longer stories and developing actual human characters.

The next goal goes hand in hand with moving back east. I've had an idea for a novel called A Sort of Homecoming for many years now. My return is nothing like that in which my MC returns, but I'm hoping that being back in that geographical area will help me get this thing written. I intend to write it for NaNoWriMo this year (unless TriMo gets it first).

Finally, I need to get some of these stories sitting on my hard drive polished up and sent off. I've submitted "Tall Tales" twice, and that is all. I really need to get these stories floating around the markets.

The final week

2006-05-08T07:29:00.000-07:00

We've got a deal to sell the Camry today. One of the car dealerships in town, Jim Click Ford/Hyundai, agreed to take it off our hands for $1500. We probably could have sold it for more, but it's tough to sell cars when we are thirty miles out of town. The dealership said it wasn't in good enough condition to put on the lot, but they would send it to an auction house. It ran well enough but just wasn't pretty enough. Understandable, and it beats donating the car to Junque for Jesus. We're not likely to have a large enough income this year to get any benefit out of a tax credit.

Lesley and Nick came over last night, and we had a good time. Lesley brought Saturday Night Live episodes, and then later Melody helped Lesley grade papers while I introduced Nick to Firefly. I think we may have a new convert to the Browncoats. Once we get to West Virginia, I expect to hook my dad on Firefly as well.

Next item is to get rid of the large furniture we won't be taking. Two computer desks, a regular desk, an entertainment center, and a couch. All but the couch will be donated to Goodwill. We hope to sell the couch. We bought it at a used furniture store in the first place, and it is in very nice condition.

A week from right now we should be somewhere in New Mexico. This ought to be an interesting journey.

And with ten days to go...

2006-05-06T06:55:00.000-07:00

It is now nine days until we leave Arizona for West Virginia. Yesterday, on the very last day they could do so without forfeiting their earnest money, our buyers cancelled. Their reason was packrat infestation. They are apparently moving from out of state. I've got news for them. Any property in this part of the state with any amount of land has packrats. They can't be kept out; they just burrow underneath into the cool areas. Trying to keep packrats out of houses in Arizona is like trying to keep ants out in Texas; you don't do anything to overly attract them and hope they will leave you mostly alone.

Anyways, they could have requested we exterminate at our cost. It wouldn't have stopped them from coming back (and they would), but it would have gotten rid of the current batch. Instead they chose to leave us hanging. So we're back to square two now (not square one since we're already mostly packed and ready to vacate). I'm fairly certain at this point that we may not be able to get into a property in the northeast in time to plant anything for this season. I may have to get creative with season extenders, greenhouses, and indoor gardening. Square Foot Gardening has some really great ideas for growing vegetables in a minimum amount of space or finding or creating space when you thought there wasn't any.

The silver lining to this cloud is that we had accepted that offer way below our asking price. Since we'll be gone in just over a week, the house will be vacant, and that should help us to sell it at the price we want.

Stress

2006-05-04T08:01:00.000-07:00

They say "the straw that broke the camel's back", and it's true. I've noticed that humans are capable of handling huge obstacles in life only to be broken by something small. With all the stress factors of losing my job, getting turned down for seminary at the last possible chance, having to move anyway, and developing a completely new plan for my life, I've managed to stay remarkably calm. Then one person gets offended by a critique I leave for her flash story and attacks me in a public forum over it, and my stress shoots through the roof to the point where I can't sleep. Ugh. Well, clearly the stress was pent up and needed to be let out. I'm just looking forward to the move being over. House hunting in Ohio from Arizona isn't exactly easy.

Packing and moving

2006-05-03T12:44:00.000-07:00

In less than two weeks we will leave this furnace behind. Temperatures are already so hot that I can hardly stand to go out of the house. The humidity yesterday was 7%. It won't likely rain again until July. Looking at pictures of property in northeastern Ohio has me very excited. I can't wait to be growing plants in a hospitable climate. At this point the only things left in my garden are the potatoes I planted in December. They probably will not be ready to harvest before we leave.

We're about halfway packed up. We've gotten rid of a lot of junk with more still to go. It feels pretty good. Since we are more concerned with acreage than house size, we stand a good chance of having a smaller home than we currently have. This is especially true since we are looking in a considerably lower price range. We have to keep are mortgage payment low enough to cover with a part time job. Since the plan is to run a subsistence farm, it helps if we have the time to actually do the farmwork without being bound to a sadistic employer.

And they said no

2006-05-01T12:50:00.000-07:00

Well, this is old news now. It happened nine days ago, but between my dialup connection not connecting to Blogger and the frenzy of changed plans, those have been a busy nine days.

Sat 22 Apr, I went to Phoenix for my candidacy interview. There were some rough questions, but I was holding my own fairly well. There were no questions about my job at all. I got to the last two questions. The first was whether I had turned in to Pr. Glover the Entrance Information sheet (which incidentally had the info about being fired). I told them I had and asked if they needed a copy (I had one in my file). They said no, they could see it later.

The final question went something like this: "Your psychological profile shows that you have had problems with anger management in the past. What steps have you taken regarding this, and what progress have you made?" I was trapped. The only thing I could do was admit that I needed more work in that area and tell why. And so I gave them the Walgreen story on the very last question.

They took an hour to come to a decision (the committees for the other two candidates only took fifteen minutes). Their verdict was to postpone my entrance for a year and for me to work on three areas: 1) Clinical anger management, 2) Establish more of a mentorship role with Pr. Marilyn, and 3) learn more about the inner workings of parish ministry.

I explained that wheels were already in motion and that we were unable to stay in Arizona. I did not have a job, I had already initiated the interstate transfer process with the National Guard, and our house was up for sale. I could pursue these three areas, but it would have to occur somewhere else.

On Sunday, we received an offer on the house. We stand to make a decent profit and can pay off all of our debt with money left over. After a fair bit of discernment, we decided to move back to the Weirton area where I am originally from, find a piece of property, and do some subsistence farming. This will leave us in a position where our time belongs to us rather than a corporate employer, allowing us to work in various local service projects. We will get experience in rural ministry, which is a direction we eventually intended to go toward anyways. And it just happens to also be something we both have always wanted to do.

We are currently packing up and moving out. We will be on the road two weeks from today. We will stay with my parents in Weirton while we look for a house. I have found several leads for housing, mostly in NE Ohio, but some in SW Pennsylvania as well.

God willing, we will relook the seminary option in a couple years, but I sincerely doubt that it will be next year. The pieces are lining up neatly, and I think that for whatever reason this is where God wants us to go right now.

Counting Down

2006-04-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

Four more days. Saturday morning I will have The Big Interview. After that, I will know whether I will indeed be going off to Wartburg or completely replotting my life. I know this sounds quite defeatist, but frankly I'm nervous.

Pastor Sherwood called last week to tell me that there was still exactly one form needed: an Entrance Information form. I got it off of the ELCA web site today, expecting some routine administrative form. It was, except for this question:

"Have you ever been terminated or resigned from any employment or volunteer activities due to accusations of misconduct, whether financial, sexual, ethical, or improper behavior?"

Great. Pastor Marilyn had reassured me that the Walgreen's fiasco wouldn't come up at the interview. With this form, it is guaranteed to. If this were something in my distant past, I'm sure it wouldn't weigh too heavily; but it is less than two months ago.

I'm trying hard not to worry and to stand by my faith, but right now I am spiritually weak when I most need strength. Pray for me.

Exigesis of the Triumphal Entry

2006-04-10T18:30:00.001-07:00

It started out with Pastor Marilyn asking me several weeks ago if I would do the 10:10 forum on Palm Sunday. She left the subject fairly open to me, but suggested that it should have something to do with some aspect of Holy Week. So I fell to researching in my heavily annotated New American Bible (a Catholic translation which includes the Apocrypha) and NIV study bible (also heavily annotated).

I initially had the idea that perhaps I would traverse through Holy Week, marking significant aspects of each day. As it turned out, I started with the triumphal entry (it was Palm Sunday, after all) and discovered that I had so much material that my 45 minutes was going to be full right there.

I was a little unsure as to what my audience would be expecting. Clearly, I did not want to present a sermon; they would already get one that day from Pastor Marilyn, and a considerably better one than I would give. A bible study likewise just didn't seem like it would work. Those are generally ongoing affairs and are highly interactive. In the end I tore the four accounts apart and dug down through all of the cross references I could find, hence an exigesis.

I was considerably concerned that I was going to bore these people to death. I was also a tad bit worried about what was going to turn more into a lecture than a forum. The closest I've ever come to something like this was at Cochise College when I had to do several technical presentations as part of my Network Management degree. Those, however, were only ten to fifteen minutes; this was the better part of an hour.

I was also pretty nervous an hour beforehand. I hadn't rehearsed and although my material and research was well organized, I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted to say about it. I started a rehearsal in which I vapor locked right after introducing myself. So I just started talking myself through the whole process; actually talking out loud to myself, but as if I were my audience. This allowed me to work back into a rehearsal and subsequently get a good feel for what and how I wanted to handle my presentation. When people started coming into Koch Chapel half an hour early (I should have expected as much from elderly Lutherans), I had to pretty much quit talking to myself, but I was able to finish flipping through my PowerPoint slides and had a good idea of how I wanted to approach my talk.

Although neither Pastor Marilyn nor Pastor Lars were present for my forum, I did have two retired pastors (Pastor Arnie and Pastor Duane) on hand. Once I got through with everything, I got a warm reaction at the end. Kathy Oksol, the volunteer coordinator, said that they should have asked me to do a forum a long time ago. Everyone said good things, so apparently my concerns were unfounded.

Lessons learned for this type of presentation: Do the initial readings, and read all of the cross references. Develop a plan, and build the presentation straight into PowerPoint. I wasted a lot of time by making numerous different sets of notes in my legal pad which were really the same information just organized in different ways.

Rehearse before you get there. Know what you want to say. Use hidden slides and hyperlinks for quotes of cross references you might want to make, rather than having a bible with two dozen bookmarks.

Otherwise, it went over really well, and I don't think anyone rushed off to the church office to ask them to cancel my endorsement for seminary.

End of an Era

2006-04-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was my last drill with the Arizona National Guard. I have been with this unit for over six years. I arrived as a buck sergeant, coming from active duty military intelligence back to the artillery after nine years away from the big guns. I made staff sergeant and became a howitzer section chief with the best bunch of lunatics on my crew (the Green Team, a name with a story in itself). In January of 2003 we were activated to help guard the local Air Force base, and I did that for almost two years. While on this mission I made sergeant first class, which is the rank for a platoon sergeant. We came off of mission and they began converting our battalion to light infantry. The conversion process is mostly done now - we're still expanding our numbers - and I am one of only a few faces from before the Air Force mission.

I leave behind a great bunch of soldiers. Only one member of my beloved Green Team remains, but there are several other soldiers I will remember fondly. I have had a great hand in mentoring many of these troops, both junior NCOs and privates as well. I have watched (and helped) several guys develop from whelps with nothing but excuses into solid trustworthy soldiers. I have given privates the tools they needed to get promoted, and I have seen them grow with each promotion. I have laid a great foundation, but it is for someone else to build upon it.

In the past when I have moved on, I felt as if getting away from the last place was more important than getting to the new place. For once, I feel the opposite. I am sad to be leaving this unit behind, but I know that I am going on to do something more important. Somewhere down the line I may run across these soldiers again, once I become a chaplain. And I look forward to seeing what they have become. For now, however, I have given them the best mentorship I could to develop them into better soldiers, leaders, and people. I must leave them now to grow on their own.

Nearly There

2006-03-31T10:31:00.000-07:00

The goats have been sold. The Interfaith Center has all of my psychological testing materials. I've started the interstate transfer process for the National Guard. All that remains now is the big interview on the 22nd, selling a couple cars, selling the house, and moving. Once I get into the Iowa Guard, I can work on getting into the Chaplain Candidacy program.

This weekend will be my last drill with my current unit. I am sad to be leaving these guys behind. I've been with this unit for more than six years and have several good friends here. There are soldiers I've mentored who I've watched grow from naive self-conscious privates to confident sergeants. There are soldiers who even now I am just making that impression which will make them future leaders. It is sad to go, but it is good to go on such a positive note. I have left too many places in my past feeling bitter and resentful as I went (Fort Hood comes most readily to mind). This move will not be about what I'm leaving behind but what I'm going to. I think that's healthy, and I'm glad for it.

Friday after Ash Wednesday

2006-03-03T16:35:00.000-07:00

Ezekiel 18:1-4,25-32
Philippians 4:1-9
John 17:9-19

I recently was involved in a discussion at Notebored involving the importance of judgment. I asserted that repentance and forgiveness were the cornerstones of Christianity. Another member pointed out, however, that the fact that there will indeed be a judgment is of paramount importance. Without the realization of judgment, there is no need for accountability. Without accountability, no call for repentance. And I am convinced that although forgiveness is offered to all, repentance is necessary for us to accept that gift.

"It isn't fair. If that is the way that God works, then God isn't fair." The argument then usually proceeds to become a reason to reject God as a part of the person's life, or worse to argue that such a God could not exist at all. During Ezekiel's time, the concept of original sin had been distorted to the extent that people believed that God punished the children for the sins of their parents. This wasn't fair, they said. But Ezekiel states this is not the case. Each is held accountable only for his own sin. By inheriting sin, we in reality only inherit the propensity to sin. The guilt of any individual sin is still held solely to the individual that commits it.

This brings us to the foundation of the doctrine of fatih versus works. "If a righteous man turns from his righteousness and commits sin, he will die for it; because of the sin he has committed he will die. But if a wicked man turns away from the wickedness he has committed and does what is just and right, he will save his life." Life is not about a scorecard. We do not get to the end, toss our good deeds on one side of a scale, our bad deeds on the other, and whichever side is heavier determines whether we go to heaven or hell. It doesn't work that way. If we go strictly by the criteria of works, then absolute perfection is required for entrance to heaven. Even one sin will outweigh every act of righteousness ever committed. Works are not sufficient. But God has said that our sins our forgiven. This is a free gift. All that is required is that we accept it. How do we accept it? We acknowledge our sin and repent. It's that simple.

What this means is that the "basically good person" will not go to heaven. That person who acknowledges no sin or downplays any wrongs he might have committed is going to hell. On the flip side, that person who spends a life of brutality and realizes his error late in life, that is the person who will enter heaven. How can that possibly be fair? Well, let's consider just what the nature of heaven and hell are. If we view heaven as the eternal presence of God and hell as the eternal separation from God, then why should someone who refused to believe in God even want to go to heaven. And if we begrudge the gift to someone we perceive as more fallen than us, are we not setting ourselves up for the same judgment?

Yes, there will be judgment. Those the Judge finds guilty of any sin will go to hell. Those found not guilty of even one sin will enter heaven. But first will come the opportunity to enter a plea. I plan to plead guilty.

Ash Wednesday

2006-03-01T19:10:00.000-07:00

Joel 2:12-19
2 Corinthians 5:20-6:2
Matthew 6:1-6,16-21

I initially started this blog with the intent of posting up the occasional devotional based upon the readings in my daily lectionary. As it is Ash Wednesday, and hence the turning of the short cycle of the church year (Advent-Christmas-Epiphany) into the long cycle (Lent-Easter-Pentecost), it seemed like a good time to start this in earnest.

Just days before Lent began this year I lost my job. This was a bear of a job in corporate retail that I wanted out of anyway, but the fact that I had stubbornly persisted at it despite being miserable made it somewhat shocking when I suddenly was fired for yelling back at a hostile customer. It was a painful experience, and my first reaction was panic. After all, there is still nearly two months before my final interview for seminary. Without only National Guard for an income, this will be a great drain on our savings.

Instead, I look at this as a great opportunity. The prophet Joel says "Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity." As I read this passage this morning I realized that I have the rare opportunity to spend the entire month of Lent in spiritual preparation for my next four years in seminary.

In 1997 I left Fort Hood , Texas hurt and bitter after a divorce and a painful rebound relationship. I spent the first five months of that year an emotional train wreck. I had orders to transfer to Fort Huachuca, Arizona at the start of August that year. When dealing with severe depression, a change of scenery or routine is often what is needed to break the cycle of negativity. Unfortunately, I have found that this often only works temporarily. The old problems eventually resurface. They have only been submerged, not truly washed away.

Before I left Texas, I took forty days of leave and traveled about Europe on a shoestring budget. This change was just what I needed. It was long enough to establish a break from my Fort Hood life but not long enough for my old negative feelings to crop up in the new environment. I came back, cleared Fort Hood, and moved to Arizona with a fresh outlook.

Sierra Vista was a wonderfully cleansing place for me. After two years there I decided to stay in Arizona. When I left active duty I moved to Tucson to finish college. Tucson, however, is nearly three thousand feet lower than Sierra Vista. It is considerably hotter and drier. After three years in Tucson the weather had begun to get to me. I have now been six and a half years in Tucson.

The Israelites spent forty years in the wilderness. After his baptism Jesus spent forty days in the desert. After his conversion the Apostle Paul went into Arabia before beginning his ministry. The desert has clearly traditionally been seen as a cleansing location and a place of preparation; but eventually we must all return from the desert. I have perhaps stayed in my desert too long.

Furthermore, there is the importance of the time of preparation. If Jesus felt it was necessary to spend forty days fasting before beginning his ministry, then I should be extremely grateful that I now have this season of Lent to reflect and prepare for my coming four years of intense study.

So instead of dwelling on any perception of misfortune, I close instead with this quote from the Apostle Paul: "I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation."

Moving on, then

2006-02-27T21:24:00.000-07:00

And so Walgreens has fired me. I am told the decision was made at corporate relations, so there isn't really anywhere I can appeal to in order to get it established as a resignation. I'm disgusted and depressed. I tried to quit twice in December and requested (and was supposedly granted) a demotion out of management in January. The store manager talked me out of quitting, and so now I have a "Terminated with Cause" on my employment record. I am more than slightly concerned that this may possibly come up in my two remaining interviews to get to seminary. I spoke with my pastor today, and she did not seem worried that this would be an issue, hence I am merely depressed rather than desperate.

At this point we plan to strike out on faith that every thing will fall into place. We will try to sell the house quickly and possibly move to Iowa by early April. I can then come back to Phoenix for the final interview. My church council has already voted to endorse me to the synod. The only steps left are these two remaining interviews - this Thursday and 22 April. There is really nothing left to hold me here in Arizona. So the question is: Is my faith strong enough to move to Iowa before receiving the synod candidacy committee's decision on 22 April? Well, if my faith is not strong enough for that, then perhaps I should not be going into the ministry.

Painful simplification?

2006-02-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

I've been getting more and more stressed at work. In mid-January I officially requested a demotion to head photo tech in order to reduce my overload. I was told this would occur once they had a replacement for me as an assistant manager. My replacement arrived while I was gone to Mississippi for two weeks for ANCOC. While I was gone, another assistant manager quit, and so my replacement became his replacement instead. I returned from Mississippi to find that I was still a manager. On Friday I finally broke. I ended up yelling at two customers, one of whom had tracked me down in the break room to tell me we were short handed on the floor. No kidding. Not only did an assistant manager quit while I was gone, so did two other employees, while two more have given notice. That is a third of our floor staff, and we were already running a skeleton crew. Shorthanded as we already were, the executive assistant was on vacation last week, and the store manager had the gall to take a four day weekend at the same time. Our inventory specialist took a three day weekend. I was at my wits end. When the one customer tracked me down in the break room, I lost it and went off on him. When moments later I had to deal with a hostile customer in the photo department, I gave back snarl for snarl. It was the second customer who called district to complain about me.

When district called the store to find out what was going on, I told them everything. I was emotionally wasted and pretty much having a breakdown on the sales floor. The store manager from the store just a couple mile down the road from us came over to relieve me and sent me to lunch. By the time I got back the district loss prevention supervisor was there. She took my statement and told me to go home and take Saturday and Sunday off (I was scheduled for both). Someone would call me Monday morning.

At this point I don't know whether I still have a job, and for that matter whether I still want one with Walgreens. There will be some sort of "corrective action" taken by the company, but I don't know what that will be. With all of this mess going on, I have my initial interview on Thursday as part of the candidacy process. The big interview isn't until 22 April.

The biggest problem is that the big interview is too far away to be unemployed until then, but this job frays my nerves so badly that I don't know if I have the psychological stability to be going into the ministry right now. I feel trapped and depressed. The only good news is that I will probably have some sort of final resolution to my Walgreens situation before this week is over.

The countdown begins

2006-02-20T13:13:00.000-07:00

I spent the first two weeks of Feb in Mississippi at Advanced Noncommisioned Officer Course. Upon return a little over a week ago, we began the final phase of getting ready for the big move. I now have all of my psychological review paperwork done, I just need to mail it in tomorrow. We have all of our tax paperwork, so I can fill out the questionaire for the accountant and finally do my FAFSA. And I called the real estate agent last Friday to prepare to sell the house. I have my candidacy initial interview a week from Thursday in Chandler.

At this point all that is left is to contact Iowa, Wisconsin, and Illinois National Guards looking for a new home, hopefully as a chaplain candidate, and the big candidacy interview on 22 Apr. Between then and 23 Jul we need to have moved to Dubuque.

The frustrations of retail are a little easier to deal with now that I have developed a little bit of apathy. My problem is generally caring too much and thus getting extremely frustrated when my peers' inefficiency messes up my own areas of responsibility. Now that I have barely two months left, I have just don't have enough stake in the store to get worked up. In a neat side note, while I was gone for two weeks, a third of the floor staff quit. How's that for an attrition rate? Morale is definitely low, but I think I'll be able to keep it together through Palm Sunday at least.

And if Blogger actually lets me connect, perhaps I'll post more often.

The Art of a Book Study

2006-01-18T15:19:00.000-07:00

Well, I really do need to post these things while they are still fresh in my mind. As promised, an entire week ago...

I'm currently in a book study on Wednesday evenings entitled God's Politics. I haven't read the book being studied, but the subject interested me, so I joined in the class. Furthermore, I want to (and eventually will need to) run a book study, but I have been intimidated over how to structure it. This, however, is what I realized last week.

Whatever the faciliatator decides to accomplish, the participants will always derail the subject and often go off onto sidebars. The best plan of action, therefore, is to use the book to come up with some narrative questions, then allow the participants to take them where they will. Furthermore, there will always be some individuals within the class who have not actually read the book (or chapter for that week). There is never time to read more than mere snippets out of the book being studied. So it seems that the best approach is to summarize the author's intent, prepare a series of narrative questions, and then let the class go where it will. As I will quite possibly be leading a class next month, probably on an Henri Nouwen book, I plan to use this method for preparing.

On the seventh day of Christmas...

2006-01-11T21:06:00.000-07:00

Or rather, by now, the sixth day of Epiphany. Anyway, on New Year's Eve, I received my conditional acceptance letter from Wartburg Theological Seminary in Dubuque, Iowa. On Monday the 8th, I received my psychological testing materials from the Interfaith centh in Phoenix. So now I am ready to start the final phase of preparing to go to seminary in the fall, and not a moment too soon.

I had been feeling rather depressed through the Advent (Christmas shopping) and Christmas (post-Christmas sale) seasons. Working in retail made me somewhat cynical and on edge for much of the past month. I actually tried to quit my job twice but allowed my boss to talk me out of it both times. I have been forced to live in the future up until now, and this has been very difficult. I could think about only having four more months at Walgreens, but it made little difference in the day to day grind. Now I have financial aid and batteries of tests and all sorts of little pre-move items to occupy me with. I can actually live in the present while preparing for the future, instead of living in the future and hoping the present will just go away.

I now have several distinct processes to move forward on:

1. ELCA Candidacy. I have several psychological test to take, an initial interview to schedule with a pastor in Chandler, and the final interview on 22 April. In addition, I called Pastor Glover (Synod contact) on Monday to ensure that the paperwork for congregational endorsement was sent out.

2. Wartburg. I need to start applying for financial aid and researching grants and scholarships and determining just how I am going to pay for all of this. Student loans are generally discouraged due to the low income of first call pastors (however, see below).

3. Interstate transfer and chaplain candidacy. I need to contact the Iowa National Guard about the chaplain candidacy program and start preparing to transfer. It was kind of sad at drill this last weekend to realize that I have only two to four more times to see these guys, some of whom I have developed strong friendships with over the last six years. If all of this works out, I will become either an active duty or an active National Guard chaplain at the end of four years. As captains pull down around 60K a year before housing allowance, I don't expect student loan debt to be a concern.

4. Selling the house. The plan is to contact the real estate agent after I get back from Advanced NonCommissioned Officer Course on 11 February. We need to still be in Arizona on 22 April but need to be in Iowa by 23 July (start of summer Greek). We are already beginning the process of paring down ownings (okay, Melody has been working on this for years actually).

5. Quit the job. The plan is to put in notice on the 23 of April, but things here are very flexible. As much as I want out of the negative environment of retail management, I realize that I need to provide for my family as best as possible now so as to make it through the next four years.

So this is where things are currently. Now if I can actually make entries more often than once a month, I can actually write about what is on my mind rather than recapping the last two weeks. But, hey. The fact that I am continuing a journal with such interspersed entries rather than merely starting over each time is a monumental achievement for me.

Next time: How to run a book study

John the Baptist meets Junior High

2005-12-07T21:07:00.000-07:00

At our midweek advent service at my church, I was asked to play John the Baptist this week for the children's ministry. Now these are kids ranging anywhere from elementary school through junior high. When I was asked last Wednesday by Kris Wiedemeyer (our Youth Minister), I went in to see what my predecessor would do. Brian Clymer portrayed Joseph and largely seemed to do an interactive discussion followed by a question and answer. The crowd was pretty dead, and I figured my biggest problem would be to not bore them for 10 minutes or so.

Kris had brought me (at my request) some strips of burlap. I figured camel's hair wasn't going to happen, but I'd do my best to get the feel of the costume. There was a very plain tunic robe, and I secured the burlap strips with my leather belt (which John would have had). I tied another strip around my head. When the adults in charge of the group introduced me I burst into the room calling out, "Repent! Repent! The kingdom of God is near!" One teenager in the corner stated (sarcastically, I'm sure) that I scared him, but that of course was the intent. After all, John the Baptist isn't a touchy feely bible character.

After I asked them if they knew who I was (which of course they did, since I had been introduced, after all), I discussed the meaning of repentance and baptism. I deviated somewhat from standard Lutheranism by discussing full immersion, but then, my baptism was in a Baptist Church (where they know how to do these things right). I went on into an interactive discussion in which I talked about the life of John by most asking the audience questions about certain aspects. This went on for a little bit and then the fun part began.

After I finished discussing "my" death, we moved into a question and answer. These kids were primed. As you might expect from a Junior High audience, they were looking to ask stupid questions just to trip me up. I got questions such as, "What did they use to cut off your head?" and "Where were you when they came to arrest you?" and "What time of day was it when they killed you?" These questions I ad libbed the best I could (an axe [which came to mind because John tells the Pharisees that the axe is already at the base of the tree], east of the Jordan near Bethany [where John performed his ministry], and in the evening [since it was during a banquet]). These were mostly a matter of coming up with something plausible in order to stay in character. Another tricky question was, "How old were you when you died?" I went with 32, stating that I was nearly a year older than Jesus and died early in His ministry.

As the questions got sillier and I managed to hold my own, one kid finally asked a really good question, "Was it mostly poor or rich people that came to be baptized?" Of course, I stated it was the poor, tax collectors, prostitutes, and downtrodden. Yep, I said prostitutes. It's in the Bible and I was trying to think fast to give specific examples. It was a good question and I gave a solid answer. Two questions later, one of the older kids, Kris's son in fact, asked, "You mentioned prostitutes. What are those?" Well, I had a tough time answering that, and eventually went with "sinful women." As it was, I'd gone half an hour and that was the last question.

So my thoughts on the whole experience? I honestly wouldn't expect that age of kids to act any differently, Christian or not. Teenagers have little patience for bullshit artists and will expose a fraud in a heartbeat if they can. The two worst things I feel that I could have done would have been to admit ignorance to some of the more inane questions or to shut down the kids asking them. Instead, I went with the flow and tried not to let them fluster me. As it was, I managed to keep their interest and not insult them. Tough things to do. But I found out the most rewarding thing later on.

I had been talking to Will Ascarza, our pastor's son, about the experience, and I mentioned that I felt that if I could keep my answers plausible enough that they picked up a Bible to fact check me, then I had accomplished something good. As it happened, when I was leaving John Wiedemeyer apologized to me for his question. I told him I expected they would try to fluster me and he was the only one who nearly succeeded. He said that he was impressed, because he looked up a bunch of the stuff I said afterwards and was amazed at how accurate it all was. He thought I must have memorized it all! That was a truly great feeling to receive feedback so quickly that I had actually gotten such a response.

All in all, it was a wonderful experience. I got more practice in leading small group discussion and my first taste of youth ministry. It was nearly all ad libbed (thank goodness for Theater 100 and "Who's Line Is It Anyway?"), and I managed to stay (mostly) in character.

Now the guy playing Isaiah next week. He's gonna have it tough.

Once upon a midnight dreary...

2005-10-27T19:39:00.000-07:00

I have on numerous occasions throughout my life attempted to begin a journal. These never lasted more than a few days. The general problem always seemed to be over how to begin the darn thing. Every first entry always seemed so corny, and the follow-up entries just plain inane. Furthermore, the journal had to be perfect. Grammar and spelling had to be corrected. If I changed how I wished to phrase a sentence midway through writing it, then I would have to white everything out. Quickly, the page would become a mess, and I would need to start over. For obvious reasons, I never got very far and quickly resigned the journal to yet another failed attempt.

So will this be any different? I don't know. Finding time to journal is far from easy. I work in retail currently (assistant manager at a Walgreens), which means that my schedule fluctuates from day to day. Lack of predictability in my life has become major source of angst. That same chaos which drives my desire to journal could just as easily prevent me from finding time to write. We shall see.

So what do I hope to accomplish here? I am currently preparing to enter seminary, hopefully next June. Among just general comments and life observations, I also hope to write devotionals or practice sermons based upon my daily lectionary readings.

So who am I, and where am I at in my life? I am a 35 year old still searching for what he plans to do when he grows up. I have been in the Army in one fashion or another since I was 17. For the past six years that has been the Arizona National Guard. Although I plan to become a chaplain in either the regular Army or National Guard, this seems more of an attempt to avoid growing up. I've spent the last year in the "real world"; the first time in my life I was neither in school or the active Army. Frankly, I'm not amused by it and find it a disturbing place bereft of values.

I have a lovely wife of two and a half years and a eleven month old daughter. My life pretty much consists of work, gardening, writing, and the occasional National Guard drill. I generally have neither time nor money for much else.

Well, that more or less establishes the basics. We'll see where things go from here.